Somewhere In The Middle
In the comments a few days ago, someone made a statement that has been bothering me ever since. Since “Things-I-think-about-when-I-can’t-sleep” is always good fodder for blog posts, and because I just don’t feel comfortable letting the statement just dangle out there unanswered, I will now attempt a justification response.
When Melanie said, “I am not sure how you do what you do”, I had several reactions. My first was to be frustrated that I may have, by only giving snapshots into our life (a drawback inherent to blogging), led folks to believe a storybook account of our life. The second was to think, I know exactly how you feel.
The Momma in me has to warn you explicitly about assuming too much. Don’t read too much between-the-lines about the lives of anyone…especially online. I can’t write about everything, and even if I could, I wouldn’t air our dirty laundry in so public a forum. Case in point, allow me to ask some questions. Is my laundry caught up? Do I yell at my kids? Is my husband happy and well cared for? How does my garden grow? And most importantly…is it well with my soul?
Truth is, you can’t know from just reading blog posts. I have several dear friends with whom my relationship is conducted primarily via computer. Even with extensive e-mail and phone conversations ~ even they ~ can’t truly know about our life. The view from a blog is comprised of no more than multiple peeks through a fence’s knotholes, and it is not a reputable source from which one may draw a complete picture. All of that is to say, I am not doing all that much. Especially now.
I am currently prostrate on the family room couch. My head is pounding, my mouth is constantly watering with oh-please-can’t-I-just-throw-up anticipation, and I can only type a couple of lines at a time before I have to stop to let the dizziness subside. Meanwhile, my family is fending for themselves. My eleven year-old daughter made dinner alone, while helping me entertain the Littles. For the past several weeks, I have only been able to be up and about for (at most) an hour at a time before I feel so sick I need to lie down. This is not the stuff of Super Woman, whoever she is.
I have however, made the same statement (”I don’t know how you do all you do”) to many women over the years and thought it about still more. Anyone with more children than myself, at whatever number of children I currently had, I automatically assumed was handling all things well, with abundant grace and tea parties, as well. I just knew that their sinks, laundry hampers, and trash cans were empty before bedtime each night, their meals were well-balanced, colorful and healthy, their husbands were enraptured at all times, their children rose up each day and called them blessed, and since they had regular devotional times, YHWH loved them more than me. I knew it. I have been a Mom-To-A-Few, and looked up to the Mommas-Of-Many. I am now somewhere in the middle…a Momma-Of-Many, sandwiched between the folks looking to me, while I look to the Mommas-Of-Nations. The truth, which I eventually discovered somewhere along the way, was that I couldn’t assume too much…although I still haven’t learned to walk in this truth at all times.
As I lay here now, I am less than 36 hours away from being the hostess of a family of thirteen. While Mr. Visionary would say that my house could - possibly - use a little “picking up”, my inability to see in shades of grey tells me that it is a wreck. I will need to prepare three meals a day for 22 people for at least three days. I have a minuscule amount prepared, and no great ideas for the rest. And yet, here I lay, unable to function any better at present.
The Momma who will visit is soft spoken, loving, patient, kind, beautiful and has been pregnant many times. This is not the sort of woman in front of whom I want to appear to be a sissy. And yet, even with all the self control I can muster, I am not a hero, either. Will this Super Mom of Eleven (whom I greatly admire) understand? Has she ever been laid up with morning sickness? Surely she was always prepared when company was coming, and surely her house was always orderly. Surely. I know this because I have seen knothole versions of her life. And if the knotholes look like that, I can fill in the rest for myself.
Or can I?
Posted: January 20th, 2008 under Walking Humbly With My God, Training Them Up, Seeing The Good, Hospitality & Refreshing the Saints, Childbearing.
Comments: 26
Comments
Comment from beth west
Time: January 20, 2008, 11:10 pm
You just put that soooo well. I am amazed that a nauseous woman could think so clearly.
Thank you for sharing that and I pray your visit will be well. If I’m guessing right about who your guests are, you should just do the best you can and relax. Even if I’m wrong, you should do the same.
Hugs.
Beth
Comment from Grafted Branch@Restoring the Years
Time: January 20, 2008, 11:50 pm
A wonderfully transparent post! Well, as much as is necessary and prudent.
I can’t tell you how many women I bump into in this medium who are downright discouraged by the apparent perfection of some “Mommy bloggers.” I’ve never been so accused, and hope I never shall be.
And yes, surely your visitor has been “there.” If she won’t say so, maybe she is insecure and needs to be drawn out by your vulnerability.
Comment from Lisa W
Time: January 21, 2008, 1:29 am
Know what? Your guests are coming to see YOU and YOUR FAMILY, not your house or your housekeeping skills or even test out your cooking abilities. 
Your Momma of 11 friend will surely understand and I’d be willing to bet that she (and some of her tribe) might even be blessed to be able to help you out. That’s what Momma’s do after all, right? And you’d do the same for someone who needed assistance due to morning sickness.
Still, you and your family are an amazing example for many of us. Your ideas, insights, ability to communicate and your wit are a joy for the rest of us.
May you live and be well, may your strength be quickly restored and may you be abundantly blessed by all who know and love you.
Keep your chin up, girlie. I wish we lived closer and I’d bring you some soup and several days worth of warm meals for the family. But alas, we’re on opposite ends of the continent. Still, my prayers are for you.
Comment from oldpathsfamilyfarm
Time: January 21, 2008, 11:30 am
You know, this lady is one of the most laid-back, relaxed, there-are-no-emergencies kinda Mom I have ever met. I hope I haven’t painted her in a bad light.
I meant to illustrate ~ using my big fat self as an example ~ the foolishness of guessing… and assuming… too much in the places were I have no facts.
So what do I get for fretting?
They just called to say two things…
1) The oldest half of their family will be fasting for 24 hours of their stay, and
2) their visit will be 1.5 days shorter than originally planned.
And yes, Beth… you did guess right. I am truly looking forward to the Wallers visiting… all nausea and stuff aside. They really are a blessing.
Comment from Annette
Time: January 21, 2008, 3:21 pm
Dearest Julie,
Sorry to hear you have been feeling so poorly in early pregnancy. Praying for strength and hoping you will feel yourself again very soon.
This lesson of putting everything into perspective will only help you to better focus on things that really matter. (well, when you’re not feeling ready to throw up, anyway. 
Hang in there…we’re all praying for ya.
~Annette
Comment from Michelle
Time: January 21, 2008, 3:27 pm
Julie, Thank you for your frankness about your current “family life” situation. I do think that we all tend to romanticize others lives and forget that we’re each as human as the next. Although there truly are some folks out there that are “everything we hope to be” the truth is that those folks are few and far between-the rest of us definitely rule. *unfortunately*
Anyway, I know that the Wallers will be understanding and I know you will make the best effort possible to be a gracious hostess {no, we cannot truly know someone through the internet but we can see the general attitude of a person through their writings}. I will be praying for your time together to be blessed and for you too feel miraculously better while they are visiting.
Shalom,
Michelle
Comment from motherofmany
Time: January 21, 2008, 4:11 pm
Too true.
I wrote a while ago about how it drives me absolutely CRAZY when people say how amazing I am that I do what I do, because what they don’t see is what I don’t do, or what I do halfway, or the days when I completely and utterly fail. There are always those super-mommas that I look up to and feel inferrior to even if they have less children or a small homestead just because they can do it with the grace and joy that I’ve been chasing around forever.
Paul said it was OK to esteem to be like him since he was like Christ (1 Corinthians), but then he was immediately and completely honest about the areas where he failed. Not one of us is perfect and it can be hard to remember that when looking at someone else who seems to have it all together.
Comment from Amy
Time: January 21, 2008, 4:12 pm
HI Julie-
Thanks for such a great post. There has often been times when I’ve will visit different blogs and it really puts me in a “downer” b/c I feel like such a failer when I see what other mommas are doing. But then one day the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the fact that I’m not seeing the whole picture (just as you so beautifully explained). If you think of it, please tell your guests hello from the Smith’s in middle Tennessee
We’ll be praying for blessed time of fellowship together.
Amy
Comment from beth west
Time: January 21, 2008, 10:00 pm
Has anyone on here ever read Alexandra Swann’s book, No Regrets? I tell you, Joyce Swann has given me a 15 year long inferiority complex. I’ve always wanted to collar her and ask “How? HOW?” LOL.
Comment from Amy
Time: January 22, 2008, 12:25 pm
It does my heart good to read of your vigil on the couch. Were we to be blessed with another little one, that is exactly where I would be - making sure the couch did not run away. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one!
Comment from oldpathsfamilyfarm
Time: January 22, 2008, 1:47 pm
Amy~
Yes, this holding down of couches is a tough job. I’m just glad there are women like us willing to take on the challenge. hee hee
Beth~
I was hoping to get time to Google it, so I wouldn’t sound so stupid, but I’m not gonna have time….
Who *is* Joyce Swann? I don’t know that I have ever heard that name.
Comment from beth west
Time: January 22, 2008, 7:34 pm
Ah, who is Joyce Swann? How can I describe Joyce? Maybe she could define the term “supermom”.
Joyce has 10 children, and if I remember correctly she had all 10 over a period of about 13 years. She began homeschooling her oldest daughter when Alexandra was 5.
Joyce’s children have all (at least the ones who are old enough) graduated from highschool around age 10, earned their bachelor’s degrees around 13 and their master’s degrees by age 16. Their bachelors came from Brigham Young U’s distance learning programs (they are NOT mormons, they just had a good distance learning program) and their master’s from the university of CA also through distance learning.
Joyce’s children did school from 8 am until 12 pm 5 days a week year round without fail except for the actual chritmas and easter holidays. They schooled through her pregnancies, they schooled through serious illnesses.
But it’s not like they were abused from a rigid schedule either! The sour grape in me would have liked to think this, but these children were on school 3-4 hours a day and had the rest of their time for house chores and their personal pursuits!
The book “No Regrets” chronicles their lives through Alexandra’s graduation from the U of CA with her masters.
Did you need to hear about this while you’re laid up on the couch?
Joyce has haunted me for years. If you read Alexandra’s book, she may begin to haunt you too.
Comment from Elizabeth
Time: January 22, 2008, 8:42 pm
Hey…
Like everyone else, I thoroughly appreciate and respect your transparency (about everything, not just this), but hopefully you already know that.
I’m praying for you guys tonight and tomorrow and believing their visit will be nothing but a blessing!
Mucho love and hugs,
E
Comment from oldpathsfamilyfarm
Time: January 23, 2008, 1:51 pm
Well, actually, there is enough conviction falling for me now, just with visiting with Sherri, that anything extra probably won’t make that much difference.
I think I’ve just found the woman who can be my hero.
Comment from Kristi
Time: January 23, 2008, 9:30 pm
Hi Julie - I have just finished the 6-7 weeks of this, which I endured with the previous three pregnancies as well. Ugh. No matter how many times a woman goes through this, it can never be forgotten!
If you want a chuckle, read the silly poetic ode to morning-sickness that I wrote in late November
Comment from Kristi
Time: January 23, 2008, 9:33 pm
…and something I put a little more thought into…
All in all, for better or worse, it is truly wonderful to have the privilege of encouraging and being encouraged during times like this via blogging.
Comment from Robin Sampson
Time: January 24, 2008, 3:00 am
I often go out of my way to confess my faults because we can’t encourage (be Titus 2 women) effectively unless we admit our struggles. Others will be discouraged if we appear to have everything perfect.
Great post. Much needed. I’ll be adding to SSSS.
Blessings,
Robin
Comment from Vicki
Time: January 25, 2008, 4:38 pm
What a wonderful post! Mama’s need to be free to fail. I think sometimes we dont “air our dirty laundry” thinking its the best foot forward and then other Mama’s feel like the cant measure up. But hey, even I cant measure up to my best days every single day. giggle!!
Comment from beth west
Time: January 30, 2008, 12:27 am
Hello sister. I’ve just been wondering how your visit with the Wallers went and how you are feeling. May He bless you and yours.
Comment from Michelle
Time: January 30, 2008, 5:56 pm
Hi Julie,
I hope you’re feeling even a little better than you were and that your time with your company was a special time of blessing.
I was trying to avoid commenting on a post, but you don’t have another way to contact you, so here it is. I was reading in your sidebar about some of your goals for this year and I may have something to help you but need to have you email me so I can find out if you already have the item.
So, whenever you have a chance, please email me and I’ll send you a note back privately.
Shalom,
Michelle
Comment from Lynne
Time: January 31, 2008, 10:41 am
Julie,
You should feel proud of all you accomplish! Congratulations to you and your family for the newly expected baby.
Sorry I have not been able to follow in your online Bible study. I started a weekly 3 hour Bible class at my church, and it involves over an hour of home study every day, so it just became too much to do both. I would like to go back and do your when this class ends in June.
I hope your morning (all day) sickness subsides soon. I also had bad morning sickness with my pregnancies. This may all be psychological, but I did feel that wearing “SeaBands” (an accupuncture wrist thingy sold in marine/boating stores for combatting sea-sickness, costs around $6) took the edge off. I hope you find something that works for you.
Congratulations again, I’m sure the other kids are excited!
Comment from Holly (applesofgold)
Time: January 31, 2008, 2:03 pm
It’s been a long time since I’ve come to read-congratulations on being pregnant!!! I’m so excited for you! I’m sorry you’re feeling so poorly, though.
I’m pregnant too and am always sick for the whole 9+ months. I finally broke down and accepted the prescription for zofran-what a difference! I took it the last time, too.
This was a great post to read-thanks for sharing. Holly
Comment from gwen
Time: January 31, 2008, 11:19 pm
Julie,
Thank you for this post, it is a great reminder. There are many times I find myself in awe and feel totally inadequate to someone whose blog I read, but I recently realized that just like I don’t put my whole life on the internet, these women don’t put theirs out there either.
I hope that your visit went well.
Gwen
Comment from beth west
Time: February 2, 2008, 9:41 am
Shabbat Shalom Julie and other Ladies. I just wanted to let y’all know that now that Julie has left her post on the couch, I’ll soon be taking up mine. Baby #8 is due October 6!
This is extra wonderful because grandbaby #2 is due September 19. LOL, I’m due three weeks AFTER my daughter so that I can (prayerfully) be at her birth.
Comment from oldpathsfamilyfarm
Time: February 2, 2008, 10:33 am
Oh Beth!!!!!!!! How EXCITING!!!!
Congratulations! Mazel Tov! And Yasher koach!
How fun it is to be passing the baton…
May YHWH bless you with strength and patience as you walk in the mitzvah of carrying this precious lamb! May you have perfect health and abundant joy. May this little one be called out, from even now, by his Creator to a life of obedience and holiness, a man or woman after YHWH’s own heart.
Comment from Robin Sampson
Time: February 4, 2008, 10:37 am
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